Sunday, April 17, 2011

Dorothy Is Chewish

My previous dog, Tulip, was not a chewer.

From the day I brought her home as a 10 week-old puppy, she happily chewed her stuffed toys, and her nylabones, but would not chew anything else (that wasn't a foodstuff.  More on that later!)  Tulip would occasionally chew my sneaker, but only if my foot was in it, for the fun of hearing me squeal.

Enter my two cats.  Posy doesn't chew, per se, but she will "taste" things she shouldn't.  Like yarn.  And then perhaps swallow said things, resulting in a very expensive vet procedure, ahem.  For some reason, she'll also eat stuffing from a toy animal, so I am vigilant about keeping things out of her reach.

Plum is not a chewer either, except when he is high on drugs.  Let me explain.  He came home after his neutering surgery five years ago a little woozy on painkillers.  I gave him more the next day, as instructed, and left for work.  When I arrived home, quite a scene greeted me.

First, I found this:

Yes, that is a mauled hardcover book (ironically titled "On Desire:  Why We Want What We Want").  He had chewed it to bits, and scattered the bits throughout the apartment.  He had also flicked out the water from two water bowls and a glass of mine, drop by drop, so that each was surrounded by a mandala-like design of separate drops.  And he had tried to climb the curtains.  All this while high on hallucinogens.  I'm sure that if I had been home to witness the carnage, I would have heard him singing that song from Hair:  "LBJ took the IRT/ Down to 4th Street USA/ When he got there/ What did he see?/ The youth of America on LSD!  LBJ IRT USA LSD/ LSD LBJ FBI CIA..." in his little cat soprano.

Needless to say, I discontinued those particular painkillers and things have been fine ever since.

Enter Dorothy [from stage left, with boot]:

Dorothy will chew on anything and everything.  She likes her toys and nylas and bully-sticks, but she likes the forbidden even more:  shoes, boots, wicker seats, cat beds, corners of armchairs, etc.  There is nothing she won't try to gnaw.  She loves to chew!  She'll say it once and say it loud:  she has teeth and she's proud!

And as a 15 week-old puppy, chewing is what she should be doing.  What I should be doing on the other hand, is teaching her the "Drop It" and "Leave It" commands.  Note to self:  do so, stat.


Martha said...

My children are part chewish... no. wait. That doesn't sound right.

Mister Snacks said...

Only if you had a kitty web cam to catch Plums "adventures" with prescription drugs.. it would have been an internet hit. The Hangover staring Plum!

Elizabeth said...

Ha! Yes, for all I know Plum stole one of Mike Tyson's "pets" that day. I'm sure many of his druggy antics left no trace!